A plaque remaining from the Big Apple Night Club at West 135th Street and Seventh Avenue in Harlem.

Above, a 1934 plaque from the Big Apple Night Club at West 135th Street and Seventh Avenue in Harlem. Discarded as trash in 2006.

Recent entries:
“The worst part about parallel parking is the witnesses” (10/23)
“The worst thing about parallel parking is witnesses” (10/23)
“Notice: We have updated our privacy policy. Our new policy is that you don’t have any” (10/23)
“Tradition is just peer pressure from dead people” (10/22)
“If pessimism were an Olympic sport, I would still not win it” (10/22)
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Entry from January 24, 2007
Bum Steer Awards (Texas Monthly)

Texas Monthly has an annual issue (since 1974) of “Bum Steer Awards.” It’s an award Texans don’t want to win.

A Texas Monthly subscription may be required to views the winners (below). A similar monthly blog award is the Texas Dim Bulb Award.


Wikipedia: Texas Monthly
Texas Monthly is a monthly American magazine published in Austin, Texas. Founded in 1973 by Michael R. Levy, Texas Monthly chronicles life in contemporary Texas, writing on politics, the environment, industry, and education. The magazine also covers leisure topics such as music, art, dining, and travel. Texas Monthly has a paid circulation of 300,000 and is read by more than 2,500,000 people each month — one out of seven Texas adults. Texas Monthly is published by Emmis Publishing, L.P.

Texas Monthly takes as its premise that Texas began as a distinctive place and remains so. However, as waves of New Yorkers and Californians and the like have moved to Texas, attracted by a strong economy and vibrant lifestyle, the state has evolved and thus has the mission of the magazine. For the natives, Texas Monthly functions as a reminder of what once was, a record of their proud heritage. For those new to the state, it is part textbook and part guidebook, a journalistic road map of the state, its history, and its people.

Its audience comprises an equal number of men and women, most of whom are between the ages of 30 and 55. Generally speaking, they are college educated, married, and affluent, and they live in urban areas.

Texas Monthly’s annual “Bum Steer Awards” poke fun at Texas politicians and policies, odd Texas-related news items and personalities from the previous year. Anna Nicole Smith is a perennial “winner.” Other Bum Steer ‘Hall of Famers’ include Ross Perot, Tom DeLay, Jessica Simpson, and all ‘Aggies’ (students, faculty and alumni of Texas A&M).

Texas Monthly: Bum Steer Awards
Bum Steer Awards Since 1974

February 1974
Texas Monthly Annual Bum Steer Awards
We give appropriate recognition to all the people and events that have put us in the state we’re in.

February 1975
The 1975 Bum Steer Awards
Last year’s disreputable moments, lowest jinks, outrageous events, and preposterous personalities.

February 1976
The 1976 Bum Steer Awards
We spotlight the follies and foibles of our state that will go down in history—way down.

February 1977
1977 Bum Steer Awards
All this, and the legislature wasn’t even in session.

January 1978
1978 Bum Steer Awards
Last year’s biggest bloopers, bleepers, blunders, bungles, boo-boos, bad breaks, bobbles, bevues, balks, and Briscoeisms.

January 1979
1979 Bum Steer Awards
A shameless selection of shams, shenanigans, subterfuges, spoofs, smokescreens, and saltimbancos Texans suffered through in ‘78.

January 1980
1980 Bum Steer Awards
A look at a longish list of last year’s lamentable lunacies, lawless louts, licentious larcenies, and laughable lies.

January 1981
Bum Steer Awards 1981
An ample account of the absurdities, affronts, asininities, atrocities, abominations, and anacoluthons that assaulted Texans in 1980.

January 1982
Bum Steer Awards 1982
In which we salute the folks who made Texas the bizarre, flagrant, preposterous, funny, and endearing place it was last year.

January 1983
Bum Steer Awards 1983
Presenting blazing barbecue, bumbling Bush, blaspheming Baptists, and 118 more of the best of the worst of Texas.

January 1984
1984 Bum Steer Awards
Presenting Carolyn Farb, worthy successor to Dolph Briscoe, Farrah Fawcett, J.R. Ewing, Mike Martin, and Jackie Sherrill as Bum Steer of the Year — and 107 other fascinating foibles.

January 1985
1985 Bum Steer Awards
A year of arousing art, bumbling Bush, coerced canines, deranged Dallas, eureka! Eureste, freeway fantasy, groping Germans, hurtling helicopters, idiotic Irving, and jocose jelly beans.

January 1986
The 1986 Bum Steer Awards
A year of altered antlers, bunkum bars, cloddish coaches, defoliant diets, enervated elephants, filched flamingos, gunshot guitarists, haywire holidays, intoxicants’ incentives, jejune judges, kissing K-9’s, lousy lobster, and misdirected Michener.

January 1987
1987 Bum Steer Awards
A year of anguished Arabs, bigshot bankrupts, crazy cookbooks, despoiled dinosaurs, exhibitionist editors, foiled fugitives, greens-eating graduates, half-cocked hashish, in flagrante inmates, jolly jailers, kinky kilocycles, late lobsters, moistened mayors, and northbound Nicaraguans.

January 1988
1988 Bum Steer Awards
A year of clumsy Clements, stupid stickups, ripped-off Rangers, cockeyed cops, agitated alligators, rotund roaches, jumpy judges, nitwit newsmen, addled Aggies, naughty newlyweds, randy retirees, and a pestered pontiff.

January 1989
1989 Bum Steer Awards!
A year of avaricious Arabs, belligerent bovines, convincing Connallys, dubious degrees, elusive Elvises, furious firefighters, George’s goofs, hassled Hunts, ingenious inmates, jilted judges, knotorious Kneppers, loose locomotives, migrant moose, normative nerds, overcautious orchestras, preposterous pythons, qualmish queens, rampant roaches, Sue Ellen’s swimsuits, targeted transvestites, upset umps, vetoed Virgins, wanton Willies, x-tremist x-chairmen, yammering Yankees, and zapped zygomatics.

January 1990
The 1990 Bum Steer Awards
A year of antagonistic attorneys, beleaguered Bushes, costumed cacti, dead dogs, espied Elvises, falling Fledermäuse, garbled grapes, hemline histrionics, imprudent impeachings, journalistic judges, kinky kindling, legislative largess, mock McMurtrys, novelist’s nooks, overrated Odessas, phantom pharaohs, qualified quail, Ruby’s revolvers, spurious spies, tardy transcribers, U-charistic U-thanasians, vandalized vans, weird wieners, X-onerated X-ecutives, yapping Yankees, and zippered zoos.

January 1991
The 1991 Bum Steer Awards
It was a year of absent anchors, Bush broccoliphobia, contraband clocks, dastardly Dakotas, egad! elections, foolhardy fig leaves, goveror’s grackles, Hussein harmonizing, incoherent Incaviglia, jury junkets, KO kisses, licentious license plates, misunderstood mummies, naughty notebooks, oil-spill oratory, pretentious pyres, quintessential quadraceps, reverential Republicans, Superman Sakowitz, telephone telepathy, unwise uppercuts, viper volunteers, wildcatting whoopers, x-pired x-Aggies, yucky yards, zealous Zerubbabel.

January 1992
The 1992 Bum Steer Awards
A year of alternative armadillos, bogus bills, contraband condoms, defecting drivers, eventful endorsements, futile floss, gorgeous golfers, humongous hair, imploding implants, jet joyrides, Kansas City klunkers, licentious libraries, mayoral Mafiosi, N-vaded N-dians, outlaw odors, phighting physicists, queasy quesadillas, royal relatives, shunned Schwarzkopf, tainted teachers, underworld underwear, verbose vasectomies, welfare Willies, X-onerated X-posers, yeggs’ yogi, and zealous Zero Population Growth.

January 1993
The 1993 Bum Steer Awards
It was a year of absent Alamos, buried Barbies, castrated calves, derriere drawings, errant escalators, filching frats, grid-iron graduates, hightailing hoopsters, income-tax immigrants, jailed joggers, Keating kudos, lascivious linksters, mercenary morticians, nonoffensive nachos, overdrawn officials, Perot pumpkins, querulous quackers, relaxed Rangers, safe-sex students, testosterone teeth, undersea upraisings, visionary vacuumers, wounded whinniers, X-iled X-pectorators, yielding York, and zealous zoners.

January 1994
The 1994 Bum Steer Awards
A year of Arlington appellations, bedouined Bush candied coiffures, detestible dinosaurs, effervescent executioners, fancy fertilizer, greedy Gorbachev, holy Halloweens, ignorant ichthyofauna, Japanese jokes, klipped klingons, lottery lovebirds, medical margaritas, nude nuptials, overwhelmed ostriches, pugilistic pitchers quashed quarterbacks, royal redialings, satanic Santas, titillating typos, UFO urgings, vindictive Vermonters, wanted: wives, X-citable X-orcists, yawing Yorkshires, and zapped Zaffirini.

January 1995
The 1995 Bum Steer Awards
A year of amorous angels, bra buzzers, camouflaged Claytie, denied Davidians, escaped evangelists, faulty flags, gainful gangs, hefty hypnosis, inmate inedibles, jumbo jock-straps, kaput killdeers, lunching Lassie, mercurial mushrooms, nabbed ninjas, overhyped O.J., pumpkin purloiners, questionable quizzes, rap ruffians, sexy sprinters, tacky taxis, unappreciated universities, videotaped villains, wayward Willie, X-posing X-ministers, yammering Yankees, and zero slippers.

January, 1996
The 1996 Bum Steer Awards
A year of Anna’s antics, biker Barbara, capsized chiles, Davidians defined, expensive electricity, futile freebies, Gramm gossip, helpful hurricanes, insect ingestion, jousting jurors, king-size kindergartens, lottery litigation, Microsoft misprints, naughty nonagenarians, ostracized Oilers, punching princes, questionable quenching, romantic rhinos, sanctified shooters, topless trading, unfriendly unionists, vetoed vagrants, weird wine, X-posed X-presidents, yaklike yearnings, and zilched zoos.

January, 1997
The 1997 Bum Steer Awards
A year of absent atheists, barbecue bias, College Station Cinderellas, devilish Disney, exiting egrets, far-out fingernails, goatsucker galas, hysterical historians, indoctrinated inmates, junkie joinings, kosher konfusion, loaded lawyers, murderous martinis, naughty Nolan, outvoted orbiters, porcine psychics, quaff quarrels, rapture rifts, senile senators, tackling tarantulas, unconstitutional urine, variable vegetarians, Web site warnings, x-pired x-cursionists, yoicks! YA-HOO!, and zany zoning.

January, 1998
The 1998 Bum Steer Awards
A year of altered antlers, bawdy broadcasters, comedian corrections, dining detectives, emancipated emus, fossilized felines, gullible Gore, hemline harassment, insatiable igniters, jazzed-up jewelry, KayÕs kennelwear, lottery loonies, metric madness, numerous nudes, 007 oenophiles, poultry protesters, questionable quizzes, revengeful revenuers, Spam slingers, tie tirades, unallowed uniforms, variant videotapers, warning! water, x-humed x-mascots, yanked Yvonne, and zodiac zombies.

January, 1999
1999 Bum Steer Awards
A year of asking-for-it Aggies, badass broccoli, contraband coffee, Death Row decor, extrapolating elephants, faux feet, god-awful gimmickry, humongous heavyweights, incomparable ironers, judicial jimjams, kaput kowtowers, lame-brained liberals, moping millionaires, NASA ninnies, off-putting officials, prize-winning pignappers, quasi-comic quipsters, red-handed rapscallions, scarfable sod, theoretical thongs, ungodly ungulates, vomiting vegetation, wild-eyed window-breakers, xenophobic Xanthippes, Yankee yahoos, and zapped zealots.

January, 2000
The 2000 Bum Steer Awards
A year of asinine actresses, bare-bottomed bongos, curious car washes, dunderheaded deejays, elongated enchiladas, furious filmgoers, Gore goofs, huge hydrants, ice in demand, jettisoned Jagger, kooky Kansans, lecherous legislators, misinformed McDonald’s, newsmaker nuts, odorous ocelots, promiscuous passengers, questionable quizzes, ridiculous recipes, speedy sports-team owners, traveling toilets, ubiquitous underwear, vapid vegetarians, wrong W-2s, x-ported x-ecutioners, Y2K y’all, and zaftig Zellweger.

January, 2001
The 2001 Bum Steer Awards
A year of alarming art, befuddled bus drivers, crustacean confiscators, demanding donors, entomological eats, feckless felons, garbled George W., hideous headgear, inspirational ice cream, juiced journalists, KKK kiss-offs, Lubbock lampooners, mucho manure, nada nudity, oafish officials, P.O.’d policemen, quirky queens, raunchy Republicans, shapely sideburns, thanatological toys, used uniforms, vampire vanquishers, witless waiters, x-pert x-terminators, yeoman Yankees, and zany zealots.

January, 2002
Bum Steer Awards 2002
A year of avaricious Aggies, banned boogers, chagrined cheerleaders, dotty dwellings, expletive-deleted Enron, famous fugitives, Germanic goofs, horny highways, icky insects, judicial jests, kooky kidnappers, look-alike logos, misguided Mavericks, news-making nuts, ousted Osamas, problematic pachyderms, quirky quarterbacks, rampaging rats, scary skunks, tetrahydrocannibinol-filled tacos, unhealthy urbanites, volleyball vamps, wayward W’s, x-rated x-hibitionists, young yahoos, and zany Zeta-Jones.

January, 2003
The 2003 Bum Steer Awards
It was a year of asinine atheists, buck-naked bad guys, crud-coated coins, duct-taped duds, ex-Enron exhibitionists, felonious Ferraris, gaffe-prone guests, hijacked heads, icky incumbents, jittery java junkies, kaput kampaigns, lascivious lawyers, Munsters maniacs, ninny newlyweds, obdurate officials, pesky perfumes, quickie-minded quadrupeds, risible reading, superannuated sodas, titillating textbooks, un-dry urbanites, vamoosed vaudevillians, wandering weapons, Xena-like Xanthippes, yammering Yankees, and zealous zit-ologists.

January, 2004
The 2004 Bum Steer Awards
It was a year of altitude-adjusting actors, bird-flipping benevolences, chili charlatans, dastardly deejays, embattled educators, flying freighty-cats, gubernatorial gallivantings, hip-hop hostilities, insatiable Isoptera, Judaically jolting jamborees, Kloroxed Kings, loblolly Leatherfaces, methodological manure-men, neuterings non grata, olé-less objets d’art, piscatorial policemen, queso quarrels, rear-end rectifyings, showboating second bananas, trio-trashing tractors, unamused über-actresses, vituperative vixens, wool-pulled-over Wal-Marts, x-coriated x-millionaires, “Yeehad” yuks, and zinged Ziggyburgers.

January, 2005
The 2005 Bum Steer Awards
It was a year of: Alamo amour, bollixed Bush, cheeseburger chagrin, dissed Davy, egregious ethics, film flops, guileful gynecologists, hibiscus hullabaloo, in-flight idiocy, jiggling Janet, konservative kross-dressers, laughable liposuction, microphone mishaps, numskull name-nabbing, opinionated obits, pot parfaits, Qaeda qualms, reckless Rather, streaking solons, tasteless Tecate, UT users, vulgar veeps, Wicca watchdogs, X-pensive X-crement, yoga yoke, and—zounds!—zero tolerance.

Posted by Barry Popik
Texas (Lone Star State Dictionary) • (0) Comments • Wednesday, January 24, 2007 • Permalink